Opinions: More Like Assholes Than Ever

Opinions are like assholes, everybody has one. Simple enough, right? But really, do the people that say this cliche know just how dead on they are? Yep, we've all got them, but they're definitely not safe to show in public. Think about the chaos you'd cause simply by showing yours in public. Revealing yours can definitely cause people to jeer and/or scatter.

Depending on where and when you reveal yours, and the desirability of it, you could cause protests and/or face legal consternation. When, and if, you feel confident enough to expose yours, you are opening yourself up to be violated just for the exhibition.

No wonder reality TV is so popular. Having a conversation beyond this level of lowbrow, mind numbing safetey zone is like exposing yourself in the wong locker room.

I'm sure I'll have more to rant and rave about on this chocolate starfish known as opinions. I just happened to hear a guy get his head bit off after somebody asked what he thought. Apparently somebody was looking for an endorsement in the wrong locker room.

Pittsburgh Steelers and Sex

It's a funny thing walking into the office the morning after a prime time Steeler victory. Everybody has that same, exhausted, hung-over smile of satisfaction of a job well done. It's kind of like that after-sex glow of drained exhuberance. Nobody needs to say a word, everybody looks a little rough around the edges, but everyone is content in their own happy way. With at least three more prime time games and as many 4pm games, it's a look that I'm looking forward to seeing many times over this season. Excuse me, I'm off to take a nap on my desk with a smile on my face. Go Steelers!

Pittsburgh: A City Starved For News

Whoo, you can tell things have been slow since the Superbowl!? Kind of funny! Today they locked people in the buildings downtown for fear of a sniper. Apparently a lot of people saw a dude in cammo going into a building with a "gun." Well, as it turns out, the guy was a pigeon exterminator and had a pellet gun. But, that didn't stop the SWAT team, bomb squad and fleet of news reporters from flying down to the scene. I'm convinced that we should provide military training and arm our media.

They always seem to be at the scene of a dissaster or potential dissaster 30 minutes before the police, fire, military or whatever service .Which, given their early response, means they've had 30 minutes to speculate about the pending doom before anybody can get in, analyze the situation and give a correct account. So, it's always funny the initial story vs. the end result.

Another case in point would be the recent John Bobbit-style "murder" that happened in the rocks. Apparently, there was a pecker placed in a mini-mart microwave. Of course, this media frenzy led to speculation of a murder victim, the sadist that apparently removed the appendage and then, of course, placed it in a microwave. It was a matter of minutes before this "news" swept the area as first responders looked for a man roaming town without his apparently detatchable pecker.

Well, further investigation revealed that the "pecker" was a rubber pecker being used to take a drug test for some moron that obviously wasn't going to pass. My guess is that the drugs were the least of this person's problems as SHE took the plastic, urine filled, pecker into a mini-mart and tossed it in the microwave so that the urine would be warm to pass the test. WOW! I'm not sure what's more amusing here the story itself or the drama cultivated by the media.

As I said, things are obviously pretty slow around here. But, I guess as long as the media is insistent on putting news models, rather than journalists behind the desks, I guess we shouldn't be surprised at the drama they create. Keep up the good work. I'll keep laughing.

Pittsburgh: THE Superbowl City

Rick Reilly, of Sports Illustrated, said it best when he said that Pittsburgh NEEDED to win the Superbowl. I don't think he knew the number of ways that he was right. Pittsburgh has been a dead city walking for about 20-something years. Think about it, the last time the Steelers won the Superbowl, the last time the Pirates won the World Series, our major industry fell, thousands were unemployed. The city has been struggling to right the ship since the early 1980's. I don't mean just economically.

Pittsburgh has built a new economic frontier with hospitals, medical research, banks and other blue-to-white collar jobs. But, the city still seemed to be in a funk. There was a cloud of doom hanging over the shoulders of the one-time steel-mill worker that is now finishing out his career at WalMart. There's been a lack of pride in all that Pittsburgh has. I've been lucky enough to travel around the US--to the "other places which have it so much better." And, I have to tell you, I don't think Pittsburgh'ers know how damn good they have it. They have all the luxeries of big city living, but we're still a small town. We don't have the rampant problems other cities have. Yet, we have great food, music, entertainment, shopping and business. But, I think people were unwilling to look past their personal cloud of doom to see all that we have.

This Superbowl was more than a big game. The Superbowl was more than the return of the Steelers to national recognition. This Superbowl was the return of pride to a city that desperately needed to re-connect with its citizens. It's been a long, long time since I've seen somebody beat their chest and say they were proud to be a Pittsburg'er. Even as we drove to Detroit, saw fellow Pittsburg'ers walking the streets of Detroit, there was a sense of community and pride. Coming back from Detroit, Pittsburgh'ers were waving out the windows to one another. We all came back to a city that had something to rally around--our Steelers.

We've always lived and died by our Steelers, which is what Rick Reilly meant. But, this reaches well beyond that. I know this is a temporary boost to our pride, but it was a necessary one. Add to this, the potential economic impact. Steeler fans were eating out more, they were buying more supplies, they were buying more merchandise, they were travelling more, not to mention the out-of-towners that were also investing in our city. Combine this pride and an economic shot in the arm, it is my hope that we can begin to see an emotional and economic turning of a corner.

So, let it be agreed, that Pittsburgh NEEDED this Steelers Superbowl win on a number of levels!

Domestic Wiretapping?

It seems to be everywhere now, concern over our government listening in on our phone calls without going through the process of checks and balances that is supposed to make our government work.

To be honest, I always kind of thought that this stuff was quietly going on anyways. I lived my life with the thought that if you weren't doing anything wrong, you didn't have anything to worry about. But, I really did think that this kind of stuff was already happening on a large scale. And, if that is what it takes to prevent me from being blown off the face of the earth, so be it. I've got no problem if some government official knows I love my wife or that I slurr alot when I'm drunk. It's a fact.

But, what's funny about all this is that it's being billed by opponents as a "domestic" wiretapping--as if people were listening in on my calls to people next door. That's not what's happening at all. The government is only listening in on international calls between suspected terrorists. Who could object to that? Apparently some people...

Sure, I'd rather not be haunted by the thought that somebody might hear me talking mushy with my wife. But, you really have to choose: if you want the government out of your business, you can't blame them if somebody blows up a building that you're in. You just can't have it both ways. Sorry.

I do agree in some respects that the government has undoubtedly extended its powers in some scary ways under the guise of fighting terrorism, but I'd rather be safe than sorry. And, as I said, if you're not doing anything wrong, you've got nothing to worry about.

The Chocoloate War of Words: Book banned In Monaca?

Larry Sent me the following post for discussion on my forum at Woody's World, I
wanted to share it in my Blog:

Monaca high school may ban “The Chocolate War” because a small group of parents set on getting their way think the book’s language is inappropriate, it depicts Catholicism in a bad light, and the sexually suggestive parts, especially about masturbation, aren’t appropriate for 14 or 15 year olds. Hello! 14 and 15 year olds swear and masturbate. As do many older folks, possibly the ones challenging this book and or writing on this forum. I wasn’t going to admit that, but what the hell. I dare disturb the universe – which is really the main theme of the book and the quote on the poster in Jerry’s locker (Jerry being the protagonist and the quote being from my favorite poem) It tells me instead of caving into the pressure of a small group of self proclaimed leaders, I should go against the grain. And that’s what the book is about. Anyway, as a Catholic, a swearer and a masturbator, I am not offended by Robert Cormier’s depictions of any of them. And reading the book did not make me swear more, masturbate more or go to church less. (I already do the third in appropriate proportion to balance the first two.)If you want to ban a book, go after that one with the prostitutes, the swearing, the violence, the graphic depictions of torture, the incest, the rape, and the end of the world. That’s right … ban the Bible. Whoops. It’s already banned in schools. Not because of anything on the above list, but instead it breaks that all mighty societal taboo … mentioning God!Ah, the public school system, bullied by small groups of individuals set on getting their way since Huck ran away with Nigger Jim. No wonder they don’t want this book to be read. Can you smell fear?Can you smell irony? Can you smell a book burning? PeaceLarry

Here was my response to Larry's Post:

It was a pleasure to burn," started Ray Bradbury's Fahrenheit 451. And, Larry might be right, that could be where we are headed.

There's an increasing library of dangerously free-thinking books that too closely resemble a reality that so many are trying to re-write to deny it ever existed.

The fact that people use the N-word, masturbate, engage in sexual relations or have a religious belief should not be documented for fear that some teenager, that has been so well programmed by our media, might find out that it was once OK to wish somebody a "Merry Christmas."

Whether you are from the left or the right, this type of thought management should be a frightening proposition. This specific case, with The Chocolate War, is somewhat unique in that it contains elements that would offend both the right and the left. The right could take issue with the lewd substance dealing with sex, masturbation and offensive depiction of religion. Then on the left, you could take issue with the fact that the book even deals with religion--not to mention putting the ideas of sex into the minds of 13-14 year olds--isn't that what MTV is for?

But the funniest part of this issue is that this is a book that has been on the shelves of Monaca Library for 26 years! Suddenly, it is a threat. This sudden, striking danger was there when I went to school at Monaca. Yet, somehow, I graduated without swearing any more--I dare say even less--than others. And, I can't begin to discuss the lack of impact or ability it had to incite my love life without profoundly embarassing myself.

Has Robert Cromier added new, dangerous chapters to this book that I don't know about? Has he multiplied or modified the 171 swear words in the book to catch up with the modern potty mouth? Nah! Just like with most things, it seems Monaca is grossly behind the times and misguided.

I, like 99.9 percent of the Monaca school district used the library to get out of study hall and read magazines. Those that were intelligent enough to actually go to the library to recreationally read books, were likely intelligent enough to not be swayed into masturbating because of a book that mentioned a scene about masturbation. The rest of us just checked out books we needed to do reports, or if you needed a cheap thrill, check out National Geographic for a set of tribal boobies or something. Even beyond that, any time you actually needed a book of any quality, you knew you would have to go to Penn State Beaver because Monaca rarely had it.

So, I find this effort by Monaca absolutely misguided on a number of levels. Maybe the true evil of The Chocolate War is that the school district is afraid that the book might insight somebody to refuse to participate in one of the district's weekly fundraising activities. Now there's a real danger!!!

Transcending: Is Everything A Baited Hook?

Just back from Vacation to Ocean City. I should be well rested and ready to roll, but rather, I am recovering from food posioning. Blech!

So, in my last post, I indicated that I planned on using this blog as a repository for things that fascinate me, including lyrics. Have you ever noticed when people rattle off their favorite quote or saying, it's more like a novel? Maybe it's because I have a very short attention span, but I get lost when people bury me with a story rather than a quote.

It wasn't until later in life that I learned the power of words--the unsaid said. I read Kurt Vonnegut's short story Harrison Burgeron. In seven short pages he draws a gloomy picture of a day when everybody is happy because we are finally all equal. I really about fell out of my chair.

Similarly, with lyrics, there are often words or phrases that transcend the song or album. For example, Incubus' Southern Girl starts off with the line, "Is everything a baited hook?" Think about it, how often do you have to wonder what's the catch? Rarely, if ever, are things done without personal gain. What are you giving up to gain? Are you really gaining? Is everything a baited hook?